It has been a long time since I have written and much has happened. I thought my world had been irreparably torn apart. My church family has been divided. My heart was broken and I did not want to go there any more. My teacher and friend had been torn from my life. My Pastor was gone, and it seemed as though the whole church had turned their back on them and their family. The church seemed cold and empty, a small group of us clung to each other. I had so many questions, so much hurt, and I did not know where to turn.
I cried out to God why, why do you make me go through this? I knew a season had ended and a new one was coming. I did not want to let go. Why did those we called friends turn on us. The Pastor admitted he made some mistakes financially and now he had to go. Why? It seemed as if there were precious few of us who were so hurt by what the church had done that we thought how can we ever be right again. But none of this suprised God. He sees all, He knows before it happens what will happen, and He has already taken care of the answer. " For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer. 29:11. Time is marching on.
I can still feel the emptiness of those hollow walls. They keep telling me you have to move forward but even now the tears flow and the pain tightens my chest. It seems that the church itself is a reminder that people are cruel and spiteful. What hurts the most is that we as a congrgation were not given the choice as to how to proceed when it was discovered that our church was in financial distress. A pitiful few that were elected to our board decided to report it and in return took it out of our hands. We were told after the fact that the church was a free entity and could do as we so thought fit. Unfortunately we did not know that and by the time we did our Pastor's fate was in the hands of his superiors. It goes on back to the same old story, money rules people's hearts. I personally see no transgression that cannot be forginven. God tells us to forgive and restore. What happened to the restore part.
I know there are many that pray for our pastors privately but not in our church. People are astounded by a church that finds out their pastor has sinned and they choose to forgive and to continue to support him as he heals. How many people would be in a church if they put out every member because of sin? None I expect, except those that refuse to admit they sinned. Wouldn't want to be in that church! I am sure if the situation had been handled by the entire church instead of the three on our board we would have been a family, a Godly family and sought help for the church and the pastor and been one of those churches in the news that stood with their Shepard and fixed what was wrong together. We had a perfectly capable associate pastor but since she was the pastors wife we lost her by default, we were not given that choice either. Our board did not give us that option! But.. we still had, and may have others that want to be in charge and rule.
I believe at this time the congregation did what was best and sought the help of a large Godly church. I am confident the church will survive and grow especially since one of the problems has resigned in light of bringing in the mother church. I can see now that God had other plans for my beloved Pastors. My fear is that they will go forward and I will be left behind. God does things in seasons and this one ended. I feel that I will continue to learn and learn to stand on my feet. I just do not want to let go of the bond that I feel with my teacher. What hurts so much is that I did not tell her while she was there that I needed her so much. That her teaching was filling me with wonder and excitement for the things of God. I and my family have grown in immesurable ways just from sitting under her and her husband.
Going forward will have its trials and its hurts but I think I am strong enough. God is my strength and He has a plan. He always uses our human situations to grow us and to set us on a new and better path. Some people welcome new adventures, others like me cling to what they know. I now have to separate what I know from the past and apply it to the future. The pain will subside and I plan to be ready when I am called to my new ministry. In the intrim I will serve the church and uphold the friends I still have there. They are hurting too and I know I can encourage them and my friends that left by leaning on God and reminding my friends that He has it all worked out. Christ is still on the throne and He loves us with an everlasting love.
I can still feel the emptiness of those hollow walls. They keep telling me you have to move forward but even now the tears flow and the pain tightens my chest. It seems that the church itself is a reminder that people are cruel and spiteful. What hurts the most is that we as a congrgation were not given the choice as to how to proceed when it was discovered that our church was in financial distress. A pitiful few that were elected to our board decided to report it and in return took it out of our hands. We were told after the fact that the church was a free entity and could do as we so thought fit. Unfortunately we did not know that and by the time we did our Pastor's fate was in the hands of his superiors. It goes on back to the same old story, money rules people's hearts. I personally see no transgression that cannot be forginven. God tells us to forgive and restore. What happened to the restore part.
I know there are many that pray for our pastors privately but not in our church. People are astounded by a church that finds out their pastor has sinned and they choose to forgive and to continue to support him as he heals. How many people would be in a church if they put out every member because of sin? None I expect, except those that refuse to admit they sinned. Wouldn't want to be in that church! I am sure if the situation had been handled by the entire church instead of the three on our board we would have been a family, a Godly family and sought help for the church and the pastor and been one of those churches in the news that stood with their Shepard and fixed what was wrong together. We had a perfectly capable associate pastor but since she was the pastors wife we lost her by default, we were not given that choice either. Our board did not give us that option! But.. we still had, and may have others that want to be in charge and rule.
I believe at this time the congregation did what was best and sought the help of a large Godly church. I am confident the church will survive and grow especially since one of the problems has resigned in light of bringing in the mother church. I can see now that God had other plans for my beloved Pastors. My fear is that they will go forward and I will be left behind. God does things in seasons and this one ended. I feel that I will continue to learn and learn to stand on my feet. I just do not want to let go of the bond that I feel with my teacher. What hurts so much is that I did not tell her while she was there that I needed her so much. That her teaching was filling me with wonder and excitement for the things of God. I and my family have grown in immesurable ways just from sitting under her and her husband.
Going forward will have its trials and its hurts but I think I am strong enough. God is my strength and He has a plan. He always uses our human situations to grow us and to set us on a new and better path. Some people welcome new adventures, others like me cling to what they know. I now have to separate what I know from the past and apply it to the future. The pain will subside and I plan to be ready when I am called to my new ministry. In the intrim I will serve the church and uphold the friends I still have there. They are hurting too and I know I can encourage them and my friends that left by leaning on God and reminding my friends that He has it all worked out. Christ is still on the throne and He loves us with an everlasting love.
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